AARRGHHUGGGGGHH..SOB..

Just a quick update for now.  Dear GOD what did I do to myself over the weekend? STUFFED MY BIG FAT FACE - AND THEN SOME - TWO DAYS RUNNING!!!  (I did actually GO running on Sunday - and then stuffed my face. Tsk! )

This is so out of hand now.  Need to find my kindle and start reading what else I can do to stop this.  I sobbed and sobbed about TRD situation this morning and haven't eaten a thing today so thinking I must've burned some calories.  I slept a bit too.  SO many other things I should be doing but I've got no motivation at all.

I at least finally paid Mark Pickerskill!  Also forwarded forms to Keeshan to complete.  So that is something productive done today at least.  Oh also did a Spinning Class and pushed myself quite a bit too.  I need to after filling my face yesterday.  It was utterly disgusting.  I must start writing down what I am eating again.  Although, with things so f*cked up with you know who, I get to a point where I just don't care anymore.  But the sensible side of me - this one here, Hi! Hello! - knows stuffing my face solves nothing and just creates more problems.  A good cry helps, is non-calorific and I don't hate myself the next day.

He is just a dick.  It makes sense that it has all just been one huge game to him.  The Ultimate Revenge.  I hate to admit it but it's the only thing that makes sense really, based on how he has been towards me.  I really hate him now.  I am so ready to rip his head off his scrawny fucking hunched shoulders.  He'd do best not to be in touch.  He can go to hell.  Is kind of where I'm at with things :o) My stars say to keep calm and there will be a deep and meaningful soon where we won't see eye to eye on things.  So I'll do my best to keep calm - for now.

I really need to make my room a bit nicer!  It's full of crap!  Kellyann should be gone today.  The sooner the better.  Fuck off.  God, I am so grumpy!

Need to tidy myself up and go and get my little moshlings.  Make a nice cup of coffee/tea and enjoy their little faces company.  Before I go and make them some yummy dinner that is.  XXX  Need to kiss their little faces :o) xx